shouldv_said_no

i decided to propose to my bf james. even after all the shit we've been through. it took me a bit of time but i did realize that no one's perfect and no relationship is perfect. so why try to strive for perfection. i'm not saying i'm settling in anyway. cause i'm not. i really am happy with him. he does so much to make me happy. and i can't really be upset at him for being a guy. which is exactly what the problem was. he was acting like every other typical guy and i couldn't accept it. but i can now because i can see that he understood what he did to me and he's really trying to be better. and that's all i asked for. i just wanted him to understand and try to be a better person.

so on his birthday (which is oct 3) i'm taking him to dinner at his favorite restaurant and i'm going to propose with a movado watch. it's something he's always wanted (kind of like the 4 carat princess cut diamond ring set on a platinum band from tiffany's that i always wanted). my friend is going to hook me up with a great price so that i can actually afford this unbelievably expensive watch. i shouldn't complain tho because it's going to be completely worth it once he says yes. and i know he will. we're already looking for a home together. which has me very excited.

really sorry and it makes me feel good that he's understanding me.

and it makes me wonder if he really understands why his actions hurt me so bad. i was so hurt i couldn't even cry that night. it took me a whole 24 hours to get over the initial shock and finally cry. i'm giving him another chance though...only because i love him so much and i think he can change...but if it happens again...

actually i'm not sure what i'll do if it happens again.

i hope it doesn't.